7 mistakes parents that prevent children to become leaders
An expert on leadership, best-selling author of psychological Tim Elmore during his research brought common mistakes parents who have children in pre-programmed uncertainty and limit their chances of achieving happiness. Elmore says about these errors and how to make them stop.
1. We do not take risks for children
We live in a world that is continually warns us of the danger. "Safety - the main thing," we think; we are afraid of losing their children and do everything possible to protect them. Yes, this is our problem. But we isolate them from health risks, and it has the opposite effect. European psychologists have found that if a child does not play in the street, and the parents do not give him even a knee tear, then as an adult he tends to suffer phobias. Children should not just fall to understand that this is normal. Teenagers will probably need to give up a woman (man) to feel the emotional maturity that requires a long-term relationship. If the parents eliminate the risk of the lives of children, then we are likely to see in our new leaders of arrogance and low self-esteem.
2. Too often we rush to the aid
Today's generation of young people has not developed a set of skills possessed what children and young people 30 years ago, because adults break and immediately take on their problems. When we go too quickly to the rescue and surround children excessive help, we delivered them from having to cope with difficulties and solve problems. This short-sighted approach which loses sight of the meaning of leadership: to prepare young people to to cope without help. Sooner or later, the children get used to, that someone will always help them, and mitigate the effects of wrong actions. But the real world operates quite differently and, therefore, this behavior does not allow our children to become competent adults.
3. We admire them too easily
The Movement for the strengthening of self-esteem began with the baby boomer generation, and in 1980 it took root in the school. Go to the school match and you will see that virtually everyone is the winner. Everyone should receive any prize. This attitude, of course, gives the children feel special, but studies show that this method has side effects. Children eventually get used to the parents - the only ones who think their genius, even when everyone else is silent. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; At first, it looks nice, but the relationship with reality is broken. When we are too easily and readily emit cries of ecstasy and ignoring inappropriate behavior, children learn to cheat, to exaggerate and lie to avoid an uncomfortable reality. After all, they are not prepared for a meeting with her.
4. Guilt does not cultivate leadership
Your child is not obliged to love you every moment of your life. Children will be able to cope with disappointment, but they can not cope with the consequences of the fact that their pet. Tell them "no" or "not now", though they are fighting for what they really value and need. We as parents tend to give them desirable when reward them, especially when children are in the family a few. When one is good at it, it seems unfair to praise and reward only him. This is an unrealistic approach, and it does not give us to show kids that success depends on our own actions and good deeds. And do not teach them that the good assessment necessarily be followed by a hike to the store. If your relationship is based on material rewards, the children there will be no internal motivation, or unconditional love for you.
5. We do not share their own past mistakes
Normal teenagers always want to stretch their wings, try something for yourself. We must allow them this, but that does not mean that we should not help them to find a course in these turbulent waters. Share with them the errors that you are permitted at their age in a similar situation, but talking about them so that it helped children make the right choices. (Avoid "negative lessons' related to smoking, alcohol, drugs, etc.) In addition, children must be ready to puncture and should be aware of the consequences of their decisions. How did you feel when you had a similar experience that guided you, and that you understand the result. We do not just affect our children - we have to be the best examples of behavior.
6. We confuse intelligence, talent and influence with maturity
Intelligence is often used as an indicator of maturity of the child, and as a result parents suggest that a bright child is ready to enter into this world. This is not true. Some athletes and young Hollywood stars, for example, show incredible talent, but still fall into public scandals. While the talent and there is one aspect of a child's life, do not conclude from this that it manifests itself in all other respects. There is some magic age at which children are sure to become responsible, there is no proven rules when it is necessary to give the child a particular freedom. But there is a simple piece of advice: watch the other children of the same age. If you see that they do more yourself than your children, you may postpone the time of independence of your child.
7. We do not do what children expect from
Our parenting - to set the pattern for the life that we want our children to have lived. To help them to be strong, reliable and accountable for their words and deeds. It should start with complete honesty in the words: "white lie" in the end will reveal and rebuke you. Observe yourself: how do you make ethical choices in the small situations where others might notice it - because your kids can see it, too. If you, for example, schlock and swindles, they will realize that it is unacceptable for them. Show the children how to selflessly and joyfully perform volunteer work. I have other people and places, where do you come, the better, and your children will notice and begin to do so.
Why are all these errors occur?
It plays the role of fear and lack of understanding. But most importantly - each generation of parents is usually tries to compensate for what made the previous generation. Parents are focused on the "now", rather than on what will happen next. They think of the happiness of the child today, not about his readiness for tomorrow's life. This is a reaction to the past. The parents of today's parents are often too pressed on them, preparing them for the future: it is necessary to save money instead of spending; We need to prepare for retirement. In response, many of us have decided that the main thing - to appreciate the present. So we are doing. For many, by the way, it has led to more debt and the inability to delay gratification. This is probably our biggest problem. But parents who are able to think not only about the present but about the future, do better.
How to stop and change their actions for the better?
It is important as much as possible aware of their words and actions in dealing with children and with other people, when children are nearby. Do not just arrange them a good life, but to educate, train them. This is to get you started:
1. Discuss the things that you yourself in childhood should be aware of the adult life.
2. Allow your children to do things that bother them, and let them take a beating.
3. Discuss the possible consequences of what they have not mastered certain subjects.
4. Help them to use their strengths to the real problems.
5. Cook for their projects, which require patience and teach them to postpone the moment of satisfaction.
6. Teach them that life - it is a choice and compromise; it is impossible to do everything they want.
7. Let him (or simulate) adult tasks such as paying bills or making deals.
8. presents them to potential mentors from among your acquaintances.
9. Help them imagine the future is satisfactory, and then discuss what you need to do to be there.
10. Celebrate with them their progress towards self-reliance and responsibility.